Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
