Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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