So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
