I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
BRING THE BAGELS
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
