That's intense
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
