Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
