At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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