I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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