mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
