you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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