he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
