I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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