john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
