you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
