batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
