her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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