I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
