I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
