Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
