i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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