My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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