if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
