Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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