Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
