I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
