and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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