Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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