I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
