Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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