I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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