ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
