This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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