Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You ruined the universe
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
