Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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