new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Panties = found
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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