Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
