Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
