yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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