I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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