1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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