Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
