I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit