I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world