I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
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I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.