We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.