you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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