Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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