WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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