I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
