We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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