your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
