I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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