I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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