The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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