Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
