Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
this beer tastes like vomit already
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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