Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
