Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
