I just cut my nipple shaving
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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