Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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