I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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